Over the last several days as I have put together the lists of nominees for the various categories that make up the 5th Annual Fred G. Sanford Memorial "You Big Dummy" Dumbass of the Year Awards, I got to thinking.
What about the stories that didn't make the final cut? You know, the ones that coulda been a contendah.
Well let me tell you...I went through the Dumbass News Archives and came up with a few posts that just didn't have quite enough lead in their pencils to be considered for a Dummy Award. In any other year, it is very possible that these stories would have ranked near the "top" of the DOY ratings . They simply didn't stack up against some very stiff competition from an outstanding selection of Dumbasses in 2014.
So what did I do? I made up a special Dummy for them! The I Coulda Been a Contendah But Didn't Quite Have Enough Lead In My Pencil to Be the Dumbass of the Year Award!
The Coulda Been a Contendahs
- Spend 1 Year On an Iceberg to Promote Climate Change Propaganda Guy - Other than walking through a pasture with a thousand hea of cattle living on it, I can't think of a better place to find that much bullshit.
- Commies Try to Ban Meat at Minor League Ballpark - It's bad enough that there trying to push a meatless lifestyle on Normal Dumbasses, but it's downright unAmerican trying to get bacon, hot dogs and beef nachos 86ed from a Shrine to Our National Pastime!
- Stoopid Bitch Throws Cat Shit at Cancer Fund Raisers Cuz They Woke Her Up! - Fucking despicable.
Even though throwing cat shit at cancer fundraisers is the act of a heartless psychopath, and living for 365 days on an iceberg is fucking clueless, nothing, and I mean NOTHING is as reprehensible as a bunch of rabbit fuckers jackin' with baseball!
Therefore, the hardware for I Coulda Been a Contendah But Didn't Quite Have Enough Lead In My Pencil to Be the Dumbass of the Year Award goes to the ......
Commies Try to Ban Meat at Minor League Ballpark!!!
Nothing short of the death penalty, or a 100 mph Nolan Ryan fastball to the coconut, would constitute justice for these Anti-American Spineless Candy Ass Traitors!
That, or we could merely send them all to Cal-ee-forn-ya with the rest of the Granola Mafia.