Now that I've got your attention....
Over the years we have had some really fucked up sex stories on Dumbass News. Naturally, by "fucked up" I mean "outstanding". Not coincidentally, two of them involve death.
Three of my favorites among the many are:
- During Dirty Harry Sex, a woman is shot and killed.
- Gettin' Nooky While Driving Drunky
- One Dumbass died during a threesome while cheating on his wife!
This year's I Ruv You Rong Time Dumbass Mad Monkey Sex Romp of the Year Award nominees all came along within a few months of each other! That's months, not years! Talk about a "bumper" crop.
The odd thing about this year's candidates for the I Ruv You Rong Time Dumbass Mad Monkey Sex
Horizontal Hula Hoors
- Getiin' drilled in a Tool Shed at the Home Depot
- 30 Minutes or Less - Dumbass burns his pepperoni while humping a hot pizza.
- Philadelphia Swiss Cheese Phucker - Now we know what the holes in Swiss cheese are for.
A Yankee driving around half nekkid in one of the largest cities in the United States while playing ring-toss with a slice of Swiss cheese and his pecker!
Ladies and gentlemen (and I use those terms loosely), the winner of the I Ruv You Rong Time Dumbass Mad Monkey Sex Romp of the Year Award for 2014 is......The Philadelphia Swiss Cheese Phucker!
Remember, y'all, that these Sex Stunts were performed by highly trained professionals - do not try them at home.
Except on those "special" Saturday nights.