Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Making History! I am Gonna Blog in a Blizzard! And Record It! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Monday, January 26, 2015

Making History! I am Gonna Blog in a Blizzard! And Record It!


History is in the making.

What you will witness is unparalleled in the Course of Human History.

As far as I know anyway.

It will be spectacular!

It will be breathtaking!

It will be cold as hell!

It will be stoopid!

Tomorrow, Tuesday, January 27, 2015, a blizzard will blast the Dumbass Dome.

In this particular storm we are gonna get about two feet of snow with winds gusting up to 50 miles
Two Feet of Snow
per hour.


You may be thinking to yourself right now, "So what, Fearless Leader? Blizzards happen every winter all over the country."

This is true.

But...!

When a blizzard rampages through, say North Dakota, or it is sometimes called "West Minnysoda", all those candy asses there hunker down in their homes, build a nice warm fire, stock up on cheap likker and wait for the storm to pass.

Not me!

Why not me?

  1. I don't have a fireplace or wood stove.
  2. I don't drink anymore.
  3. I am not a candy ass.
  4. I am an idjit.
That said, as your Unquestioned Benevolent Fearless Leader, it is incumbent upon me to lead by example. That's exactly what will take place Tuesday.

You will witness firsthand a feat of bravery not seen since McDonalds signs said "Over 2 Served". 

I am going to record Tuesday's Dumbass News story on video, outside, right smack dab in the middle of a raging leviathon of a snow storm!

Yes, Dumabass Horde, I am going to risk life and limb, not to mention my nut sack, by actually throwing my frail, arthritic, fibromyalgia-ridden body into the teeth of the worst Winter Storm to hit Augusta, Maine in several years!

Even if my scrotum freezes, falls off and gets buried under two feet of snow or Mr. Winky gets frostbitten, I shall carry on with unrivaled courage - and two fewer gonads than I started the day with.

As I sit here writing and thinking, I have decided that this endeavor will be the first ever video for Dumbass Tube, the Official YouTube Channel of Dumbass News! <---- later="" more="" on="" p="" that="">
I may even send the tape to The Weather Channel. I need the gig. Kiss my ass, Jim Cantore! Hurricane, schmurricane.

I gotta say though, that standing in a hurricane or a blizzard still ain't as dumbfuck stoopid as some of the insane shit I have written about here.

Unless my gazebos freeze off.

In that case, I'll be the Dumbass of the Year for 2015.

Dumbass.

***Video of this Historic event will be posted Wednesday***

6 comments:

  1. Good luck, and God speed to your gonads!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Jamie! I appreciate it!

      I gotta admit, though, it's kinda weird when a Gay Guy says "Godspeed to your gonads" to me.

      No offense intended, bro. :)

      Delete
  2. If you do lose your gonads to the cold, you could become a DC politician!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes!

      I could be the head (haha, I said "head") of the Ball Moose Party!

      Delete
  3. Kudos to you and your nutsack! Hope Mrs. Dumbass will have 2 cups of hot cocoa at the ready, one for you and one for your balls.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bwahahahaha!

      Mrs. Fearless Leader has a ball warmer and it ain't cocoa.

      Delete

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