Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Samurai Shrimp Stoopididity! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Sunday, January 18, 2015

Samurai Shrimp Stoopididity!

Another day, another Floridumbass......

Jayson Laughman was a hungry son of a gun.

He went to the pantry to retrieve some shrimp. 

Canned shrimp! 


The Story

The Miami New Times has the details: Jayson Laughman, a 34-year-old from Volusia County, was arrested Saturday on charges of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon after getting into a domestic disturbance over a can of shrimp.

According to The Orlando Sentinel, Laughman's mother's boyfriend, Michael Airhart, who is 52, accused Laughman of stealing a can of shrimp. Laughman apparently would not stand for having his honor besmirched over a canned shrimp, so the argument soon escalated into threats of a physical fight.
Laughman and Airhart decided to take it outside where Laughman threatened his not-quite-step-daddy with a statue. Though, the two managed to cool off for the moment. Airhart returned inside to the mother's bedroom.
Laughman however decided he was going to get the last laugh, man. He grabbed a Samurai sword and used it break down the bedroom door. He once again threatened Airhart, this time with the sword, but his mother and Airhart managed to cool him down.
Laughman retreated once again, this time to the kitchen, but grabbed some knives out of a drawer. He returned to the bedroom and started throwing them at Airhart. Airhat managed to escape by sliding glass doors in the bedroom.
The story goes on to say that Laughman freaked out because he is a diabetic.
Observations 
  • Until a few minutes ago, I had no Earthly idea that shrimp in a can existed. Potted meat in a can? Yep. Chicken in a can? You betcha. Shrimp in a can? 
  • You've gotta be fucking kiddin' me. 
  • Three Words: Fresh. Seafood. Vendor.
  • Canned shrimp be damned!
  • Threatening with a statue?
  • Really?
  • Samurai sword?
  • That's more like it.
  • Diabetic Rage?
  • Oh, brother.
Dumbass.
***Image from Miami New Times***

Statue for Threatening with a Statue: 



3 comments:

  1. Is there a statute for threatening with a statue?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, there is!

      It's called The Dummy Award!

      See newly addd image just above the comments.

      Delete
    2. Oh, wait...you said "statuTe". Nevermind.

      Delete

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