Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Stoopidest Idea Ever: Stop School Shootings w/ Canned Veggies! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Monday, January 12, 2015

Stoopidest Idea Ever: Stop School Shootings w/ Canned Veggies!

Remember when I wrote these words just a few days ago? 

It seems like every year within a day or two just before or after we name the Dumbass of the Year , a story comes right out of the chute and thrusts itself into immediate contention for this year's Dummy Awards.
Ladies and gentlemen and all the ships at sea....there you have it...your Leaders in the Clubhouse for the 2015 Dumbass of the Year Award.

It turns out that those words were prophetic.


Let me splain.

We are all too familiar with the horrific school shootings that have taken place over that a last couple of decades in our country.

Thanks to the highly educated administrators at W. F. Burns Middle School in Valley, Alabama, we can all rest assured that these murderous rampages are a thing of the past.

Yes, America, thanks to a brilliant plan put in place by W. F. Burns Middle School Principal Priscella Holley, never again will our school children be slaughtered by lunatics with modern firearms.

"Wow! you are thinking, "Fearless Leader, share this vital information with us so maybe we can implement it in our school district and ensure the safety of our young people!"

The Plan? Hire former policemen or military guys as school security personnel? Maybe  train and arm teachers and/or principals in the use of firearms in order to deter, minimize or eliminate such a
Assault-free Food


The Plan is to "arm" students with canned food!

am not making this up.


Lemme get this straight.....if some deranged bastard with an AK-47 who is hell bent on slaughtering as many innocent school kids as he can goes into W.F. Burns Middle School in Valley, Alabama, the administration at Burns wants the students to throw canned corn and Campbell's Soup at him??!!!

I have never, in the entirety of my 58 years, heard ANYTHING as ridiculous and totally fucked up as this!


My Simplified Plan is based on the KISS Theory (Keep It Simple Stupid).If some Columbine Guy Wannabe goes into a school and wants to play OK Corral, he should be met with overwhelming firepower used with extreme prejudice.

In other words, blast his sorry ass to Kingdom Come and send his dark soul to Hell looking like Swiss cheese!

Fuck. Him.


With the barbed cock of Satan.

Pretty simple, huh?

I know that I have left out many details of My Simplified Plan, but that is a discussion is for another day.

I also realize that many of you are not as enthusiastic about exercising your 2nd Amendment rights as I am. That's cool.

But throwing a #303 can of kumquats at a guy pointing a deadly weapon at you as a self defense measure? Are you fucking kidding me?

I could go on and on, but I think you get the basic idea of where I am going with this whether you agree with my "fight fire with fire" proposal or not.

This lunacy is just incomprehensible.

The educators at W.F. Burns Middle School couuld instruct their students on how to make a finger gun, point it at the Bad Guy and yell "bang, bang, you're dead!"

Oh, wait! The kids could get suspended for that!

God help us.



  1. Maybe they did another study showing mass murderers are shooting up schools not because the schools are easy targets. Maybe the mass murderers are mass murderers because they're just plain hongry.

    Throw them some food and they'll go away.

    Plus, nothing beats the threat of a can of peas thrown with the velocity that only a 5 year old can muster.

  2. All they are asking is "give peas a chance."

    Perfectly said, Anon!

  3. See I told you that you can use food for more than just cooking, you can defend yourself with it too. Hence the reason why I am a food blogger. So I can defend us and our kids against intruders with canned food. Of course nothing works better than my cast iron pan up against your dumbass skull but I will save that on those "special" occasions. :)

    1. Wait! Cast iron skull.....YOU TUBE! It'll be a viral smash!

    2. Possibly but there are too many bleeding hearts that like you, their butts might hurt. Only the people who truly know us would find the entertainment value in it.

    3. "people who truly know us would find the entertainment value in it."

      This is what we call one of those "special" Saturday nights.

  4. So do you think a canned veggie that has low sodium would hurt less? Full fat would probably be the best deterrent for a whackjob with an AK47 for sure.

    Stupidest. Idea. Ever.

    Perhaps just arm the baseball and softball players with the canned goods rather than hire a full on armed security detail.

    1. Although I prefer to blast the motherfucker to smithereeens, I love the idea of the ball teams playing chin music on a Bad Guy!


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