2014 was a helluva year for Dumbass News.
- The blog finally found its footing in 2014 expanding our reach to readers in 183 countries around the world.
- And we gained over ONE MILLION New Dumbasses last year.
- Among other things, we added Teri Beibel as the Official Sultanette of Snark.
- With all the stories we've done on lady bits over the last four years that we welcomed Heather F. as the Official Vagina of Dumbass News!
- I challenge you find another blog on the planet that has its own Sultanette much less an Official Vagina!
It's time name the nominees for The Big One, the 5th Annual Fred G. Sanford Memorial "You Big Dummy" Dumbass of the Year Award!
The competition for The Big One was fierce in 2014. By "fierce" I mean "it was incredibly difficult to pick out the stoopidest fuck of all the stoopid fucks" we wrote about last year.
But after much research, adherence to the most stringent "standards" of Dumbassery and an intense battle against the urge to consume near-lethal quantities of cheap Meskin tequila in order to get this shit done, I have selected the"best and brightest" (hahahaha...I said "best and brightest" all the while talking about Dumbasses) of what 2014 had to offer.
Would you believe that the topics of the Top Dumbass Stories of 2014 are meth, boobs and vaginas?
I thought you might.
The Nominees for The Big One of 2014 are...
- The Dumbass Drug Deal of the Year concerns a lady named Lynette. Lynette is a meth head. It seems she needed to do a line or two, so she went to her Friendly Neighborhood Speed Dealer and bought some toot. Problem was that the quality of the meth was not up to Lynette's unquestionably high Drug Addled Loser Standards. So she called the cops to complain!
- The Ol' Spud in the Cooter Trick - For. Birth. Control!
- Lab-Grown Vajayjays - There are potentially millions of less lonely Dumbasses around the world thanks to medical science.
- Homeless Guy Steals Ambulance to Go to Titty Bar! - Spending what little cash flow you have on overpriced beer and ogling tits you will never touch is an extremely efficient way to remain homeless.
Any chick that stuffs a tater up her tutu believing that it will stop the little swimmers from knocking her up is the obvious choice as the winner of the 5th Annual Fred G. Sanford Memorial
Congratulations, The Ol' Spud in the Cooter Trick Lady!
On January 1, 2014 who the hell saw that coming?
Now the question is: what or who the fuck will we see win the 6th Annual Fred G. Sanford Memorial "You Big Dummy" Dumbass of the Year Award on January 1, 2016?
I am all atwitter.