Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: The Old Steal the Steaks & Hide 'Em Under Your Ass Trick! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

The Old Steal the Steaks & Hide 'Em Under Your Ass Trick!

Have you ever been hongry?

I am not talking about the kind of hongry you get between lunch and supper, I am talking HONGRY.

As in "I have no damn clue where my next meal is coming from" type of hongry.

I have.

And it ain't fun.

Let me clarify something here.

I have been on every rung of the Economic Ladder except the Independently Wealthy Rung. I have been fairly well-off, I have been dirt poor, I have been flat broke....and all points in between.

It was during my stint on the Broke Ass Motherfucker Rung of the Economic Ladder that I discovered what it was truly like to be HONGRY.

Have you ever been so damn penniless that when you finally got to eat a baloney sandwich that your taste buds thought you were eating a T-bone from Ruth's Chris?

All I can say is that that was one mighty fine baloney sammich.

Even during my most desperate economic woes, I never resorted to chicanery so I could eat. My Mama brought me up better than that.

Rodney Fowler evidently didn't listen to his Mama like I did mine.

One day Rodney got hongry and said to himself, "Rod Baby, a nice thick juicy steak would sure hit
Rod the Bod, Concealed Ass Permit Holder
The Spot right about now."


So Rod the Bod ( they call him Rod the Bod because he is five foot five, 350 pounds) headed to the meat department at the local Wal Mart taking his trusty Hover Round, Seabiscuit, with him.

After much perusal and marbling examination, Rod picked out five steaks and made a bee line for the casa. 

Problem is that Rod took off for the house without stopping at any of the 2.6 billion check out lanes, manned by two friendly Wal Mart Associates, to pay for the steaks.

Rod presumed he could get away with Not Bought Beef by putting them on Seabiscuit's seat and concealing them under his sweaty, boil-infested 350 pound ass!

He would have absconded with his ill-gotten gains were it not for a Friendly and Alert Wal Mart Loss Prevention Guy.

There's no word on whether the steaks were put back on the shelf - as rump roast.

The next time you go to the butcher at Wal Mart, remember their motto: You may beat our prices, but you'll never beat out meat!

Dumbasses.

Hat Tip: The Smoking Gun ***

2 comments:

  1. Shit, You would have to be pretty hongry to eat beef that's had a 350 lb sweaty arse on it.

    ReplyDelete

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