I am retired so pounding the pavement in search of employment is not high on my list of priorities. However, I am very concerned for my fellow Dumbasses who are looking to rejoin the work force, desperately seeking
Job Hunting Tips
Because I care, I am offering, as a public service, the following helpful tips that will make finding a job easier for even the most inexperienced of Dumbasses. And by "most inexperienced of Dumbasses", I of course mean "the lazy bastards who'll be thrown out on their asses if they don't come up with something to contribute to Mom's monthly Cheetos bill".
In order to get the most effective job hunting tips for you chronically unemployed losers, I went to the Professionals at Monster.com.
- Pick and Choose - Look for companies that you are interested in and that match your job skills and experience. For most of you reading this, that means learn to say "Can I super size that for you?"
- Work Your Network - In other words, regularly check with your buddies on Facebook and find out where you'll meet up to smoke your next joint and talk about how "The Man" has stuck it to you. Talking about finding a job is optional.
- Sell Yourself - Female Dumbasses will understand this tip to mean "become a hooker".
- Stay Positive - This is probably the best advice you can get when you are looking for work. After you've been turned down a few dozen times, stay positive that you are just a pox on humanity and have no socially redeeming value.
- Wait for the Job Offers to Pour In - Since we know that you are a scourge to polite society, this will never happen, so now you can go back downstairs and open up a new bag of Cheetos.
All this because I care.