Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Dumbass Sports: Drunk Zamboni Driving! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Monday, February 9, 2015

Dumbass Sports: Drunk Zamboni Driving!

I am a Sports Fan.

I love a wide variety of athletic competition - college football (Hook 'Em Horns!), the NFL (Go Pack Go!), baseball, hockey and the NBA. Oh, yeah....and curling...I absolutely love curling!

Now, you may wonder why a Redneck from Texas would like shit like hockey and curling. The answer to that is very simple - ice. To be precise, I am 100% against driving or walking on ice, however without ice during the days of my Professional Hops & Barely Consultant to various beer brewers from around the world, I would have drunk thousands of hot or warm beers. This is unacceptable. Except at rodeos. "Rodeo warm" beer is not only acceptable it is expected when one attends a sporting event where 140 men try to ride a 2000 pound bull.

That said, drinking beer and sports go together like John, Paul, George and Ringo, Moe, Larry and Curly and Brian Williams and saving puppies from burning buildings.

Unless you are a Zamboni driver.

At a girls high school hockey game.

Let me splain.

It was between periods at a Davies High School (Fargo North Dakota) girls team hockey game.

This of course means that the ice on the rink needs to be resurfaced in order to be nice and smooth for
Iron(ic) Steed of the Ice, Fargo, N.D.
the next period of play.

Enter Steven Anderson mounted upon The Iron Steed of the Ice, the Zamboni.

Things were going slicker than greased owl shit on a glass door knob. Well, not really. Fans at the game noticed that Steven was operating the Zamboni like a skier negotiating the gates on an Olympic down hill ski course.

Steven was drunk.

On these very pixels we have had stories of drunk horsey ridin', BJWUI (Blow Jobs While Under the Influence) and sucking Second Hand Ass as means of corrupting a breatalyzer test, but have never had a Drunk Zamboni Driving story.

We have now.

And I am a more edified man for it.

What's next? A Drunk Curling Under the Influence story?

It's only February so there's still hope for the rest of 2015 to produce one.


***Hat Tip: Fox News ***

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