Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Dumbass Sports: Midget Tossing While Drunk! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Dumbass Sports: Midget Tossing While Drunk!

Best of Dumbass News

Physically speaking, I am a small man.

Some Dumbasses would say the same about my mental capabilities and character too.

The ones who carry these ludicrous thoughts around with themselves are either

  • 1) Liberals or 
  • 2) Those who wish to dethrone me as The Fearless Leader of the Dumbass Horde. 
Let me tell you sons of motherless goats in Group 2 that it ain't gonna happen.

As far as Liberals go, I ain't skeered of a bunch of sissies who want to turn the USA into Fwance. What a perfect match. The Fwench wouldn't fight to save their own mothers and Liberals won't work to save their own mothers. Knowing that, I'm pretty sure that my reign as The Fearless Leader of the Dumbass Horde is safe.

No Fearless Leader Tossing

As I said up there^^^^^, physically I am not what you'd call a candidate to play Middle Linebacker for the Green Bay Packers. I am about a foot too short and at least a hundred pounds too light. As unimposing as I am, there are smaller men in the world than me who are imposing only in the movies and the WWE.

Where I come from we call them "midgets". They prefer to be called "Little People". Forget that noise. My two youngest children (ages 4 & 9) are "little people". A fully grown human bean that got the raw end of the "Verticality Stick" is a friggin' midget!


Besides, nobody in his right Dumbass Mind would dare to try to do some Fearless Leader of the Dumbass Horde tossing. Midgets on the other hand are thrown around, willingly in the great majority of cases, like a drunk hooker at a bachelor party.

I'm just sayin'.

Drunk Guy Shot Puts Midget, Much to Midget's Dismay

The Telegraph reports that "A dwarf claims he was partially paralyzed on his birthday when a stranger lifted and heaved him onto the hard ground outside an English pub."

Did I mention that there was a dwarf tossing event at the pub in question when this incident occurred?

It's not stated in the Telegraph article whether the midget victim, Martin Henderson, was participant in the "Mad Midget Weekender", as the show was called, nonetheless Martin was tossed like a salad at a Weight Watchers meeting. The tosser was a drunk bloke who Martin claims was encouraged by a drunk rugby team into giving Martin the Midget the ol' heave ho. While I certainly sympathize with Martin regarding his injuries, that's where my concerns for Martin come to an abrupt halt.

Martin Is a Dumbass

While no midget deserves to be blindsided and flung around for the sheer enjoyment of some inebriated asshole...oh, wait! That's what dwarf tossing is all about! Watching teensy weensy full grown men getting pitched all over the pub to the bemusement of the likkered up assholes in a pub!

What the hell was to be expected of a shit load of Brits drinking warm beer, for God's sake? These are the same people who drink hot tea also! Haven't these Dumbasses ever heard of ice? No wonder the UK is going to Hell in a hand basket. Warm beer indeed.

Let me go through this ordeal step by step:

  • 1) There is a "Mad Midget Weekender" 
  • 2) At a British pub 
  • 3) That serves warm beer 
  • 4) With a lorry load (<------a little Brit lingo there) of drunk dumbasses in attendance. 
I can't see any potential problems with that set of circumstances, can you?

Evidently Martin the Teensy Weensy Full Grown Man didn't and look what happened to him.

Giving the Runt Credit

I won't list them, but suffice it to say that Martin suffered some pretty serious injuries as a result of being unexpectedly dwarf tossed by some plowed dickweed. He still has significant health issues from his experience. But is that what has Martin so pissed off about this ordeal? Not from what I can tell.

The reason that the Midget in Question is perturbed is because the impairments from which he suffers have  "derailed what he described as a promising acting career" Acting career? In what, short subjects? A mini series? After reading that, I am of the opinion that Martin himself was a few pints along the Drunk Highway on the night in question.

The credit Martin is due is because all he wants out this horrible happening is an apology from the rugby gus that supposedly egged on the Surprise Dwarf Slammer into his Commode-Huggin' Drunk Rampage. After all, this could have rather easily a long drawn out court battle taking God knows how long to determine the outcome of.

Way to go, Martin Old Bean! Your sense of Justice is to be admired.

However, your sense of the common leaves a lot to be desired. Wrong place, wrong time and all that sort of rot. (<-----more Brit lingo there).

Have a nice rodeo warm beer on me, mate.

But seriously get the damn pub owners to ice down some of the ole Amber Current, will ya?

And a pip, pip cheery oh to you.


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