|Possiblt the Greatest Defense Lawyer in the World|
Since September 19, 2010, I have written about some the stoopidest shit a Human Bean can do. This chronology includes almost 2000 posts.
A very cursory check of the Dumbass News archives revealed two of my favorite stories out of these nearly 2K.
1) The lady who stole five grand from her boyfriend found a most prison-like way to conceal it from him. She stuffed the money up her ass!
2) A Chinese Guy, Won Stoopid Fuk, was annoyed when his flight was delayed for a while at the Beijing airport. His frustration built up to the point where he went to a nearby Commie Chinese Airport Security Official and announced that he had a bomb planted in his hiney hole. This gentleman has not been heard from in quite some time.
Those two stories are indeed some doozies, but what I am about to enlighten you with just may be The Greatest Dumbass News Story in the History of Dumbassery.
I. Kid. You. Not
Basic Facts: A lady down in Houston got busted for being a hooker. Nothing surprising there, as Houston is the 4th largest city in the country, so there are gonna be Ladies of the Evening scattered around town trying to earn their "keep". And meth money.
What is a bit odd, though, is that this whore is SIXTY-SEVEN YEARS OLD! Surprising? Yeah. Earth shattering? No.
What makes this case so unique (and I mean UNIQUE) is the defense her attorney came up with at her trial.
The Harris County District Attorney recommended 48 hours in the pokey for her transgression, which from what I read is a fairly common practice given the hooker had no previous criminal record. I mean selling your "groceries" to perfect strangers requires some sort of punishment, right?
This is where the brilliance of her Defense Attorney comes in.
The Hooker's Lawyer called to the witness stand her doctor. Ol' Saw Bones testified that the Hoochie Mama was not responsible for her actions for medical reasons.
I ain't shittin' you.
El Medico told the judge that the Slut had an eating disorder. (meth will do that to a body)
Anyway, this "eating disorder" had caused this Tramp to become....sit down, you'll need to....ADDICTED TO MALE SEMEN (insert swallowing, Little Swimmer and various and sundry other oral sex jokes here)
Welcome back to the World of Dumbass News.
Ain't it great?
(thanks to Heather at MishMawsh and Other Things)