Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Cell Phones: More Dangerous Than Alligators : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Friday, July 28, 2017

Cell Phones: More Dangerous Than Alligators

I may be the only 60 year old man in the United States of America that doesn't own a cell phone. It really doesn't make sense because when I go fishin' I am in the company of bears, mountain lions, wild hawgs, and alligators, critters that look at me like a Super Sized Big Mac. A cell phone might come in handy in certain circumstances like being a 5'4", 135 pound mini buffet for one of Nature's Most Dangerous Beasts. But, honestly, that doesn't bother me. Really, it doesn't. For a guy like me who has been fishin' for almost six decades, I can't think of a better way to go - unless it's in the throes of Mad Monkey Sex with Jessica Alba, Salma Hayek and a couple of cheap hookers from Downtown Dallas. But that's just me. I guess the main reason I don't have a cell phone is that when I am in the Great Outdoors enjoying God's Bounty I DO NOT want anybody to fuck with me. I am in the Great Outdoors for a specific purpose and it does not involve getting a phone call or text while I am setting a Potential State Record for a largemouth bass. Call me Old Fashioned but just that's the way it is for me - except for the Mad Monkey Sex Thing with Jessica, Salma and the cheap hookers. All that said, there is one more reason why I do not own any for of mobile communications which could interfere with my fishin' or Mad Monkey Sex. That reason is featured in the video below. Bears, mountain lions, wild hawgs, and alligators ain't shit compared to falling down one of these things. Thankfully there are very few of these doohickeys in the Wild. Ain't no cell phone in sight either. See? The shit works out right. Dumbasses.


  1. I really don't understand why anyone would not want to own a phone in an age where practically everything works with the help of the Internet and smartphones. Your reasons seem understandable, but having someone to call when you're getting attacked by an alligator might come in a little handy, don't you think?

    1. It depends on if the phone works under water and how good a grip the gator has on you.

  2. Those iPhones are truly the modern-day deities.
    Unbelievable how much time and devotion so many people give to these micro-contraptions.
    And they have apps for everything outside of shitting, pissing, eating, drinking, bathing and sleeping.


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